The 10 Driving Commandments!

Other drivers never cease to amaze me. How did half the drivers on the road ever pass their test?

I passed my driving test at 17 years of age. I was given driving lessons as a present. “Wonderful, a passage to adulthood and freedom”. 14 years on, I think I’m a pretty decent driver. I’ve had a couple of accidents bumps…. Not all my own fault (but everybody probably says that).

In a recent poll online a massive 90% of drivers said that they were ‘good/very good’ drivers. Astounding – they can’t all be so good. I’ve been out on the roads around Europe and I beg to differ.

So, I’ve decided to compile the 10 Commandments of Driving.

I. Thou shalt use those things known as indicators.

Why do people think that the drivers around them have psychic abilities enabling them to predict the manoeuvres of the driver in front. Use those indicators guys….. Oh, and when I say use them, I mean use them before you start turning. It’s a bit late to flick the lights on when you’re halfway around the corner.

II. Thou shalt not sit in the middle lane.

Why, oh why? This is the most annoying habit. The United Kingdom is the place to visit if you want to see the commandment being broken. British drivers are awful when it comes to motorway driving. It’s not uncommon to see the inside and outside lanes empty as drivers queue behind each other in the middle. Why?

III. Thou shalt not use the mobile while driving.

Texting and phoning whilst driving really gets to me. How many times do we have to sit and wait at traffic lights for the driver in front who is so self-absorbed in what they’re doing with the mobile rather than driving. Ban them! Ban them!

IV. Thou shalt not pick one’s nose whilst driving.

Please see previous post about this subject.

V. Thou shalt not take 2 hours to get in and out of a parking space wide enough for a bus to fit in.

Some people think that their car is clearly a lot bigger than it actually is.

VI. Thou shalt not worship chav* idols.

Fluffy dice are out! Dangly bunnies, kittens and dream catchers were never in. Nodding dogs on the back shelf – say no more……. (* chav = see full description here).

VII. Thou shalt not perform ‘acts’ whilst driving.

By this I think I have re-captured your attention. Let’s just say, you should not be doing anything you wouldn’t want your mother to know about whilst the vehicle is in motion.

VIII. Thou shalt not weave in and out of other cars.

Driving is not a skill connected with tapestry work, but some drivers think that by zooming across all lanes, in and out and side to side that they are saving time. It rarely works.

IX. Thou shalt not display signs with absolutely no purpose.

These signs (and they’re everywhere) don’t make logical  or meaningful sense to me. What are the possible reasons? To make drivers drive better around you? Shouldn’t we all be doing that anyway? Then there is the argument that when they are in a crash the first on the scene can attend to the baby. This idea is flawed considering half the cars I see don’t have a child or baby in them. So instead of only using the sign when they need too, they leave it up constantly to cause un-due concern in cases of an emergency.

X. Thou shalt not drive as though our cars are connected. Keep your distance!

This happens all the time in The Netherlands. I cannot bear it. Some drivers stop their car so close that I’m convinced that they’re trying to read something on the back of my car. Keep back!

Feel free to pass this on to any drivers that you can think of that could do with a little reminder.

Happy driving people!

Stop picking, you dirty man!

Warning: This blog must not be read at mealtimes.

OK. Perhaps we all do it…Some are more discreet that others, that’s for sure. Why am I even blogging about this? Well, yesterday I was driving in my car and heading home from a busy day when I stopped at the lights and looked in my rear-view mirror to see the driver behind (40s, slightly balding, business/smart casual attire) digging around in his nose. He was really going for it: Having a good old pick. He could give those Chilean miners a run for their money. At the rate he was going he should have been part of the rescue mission in Chile. Please note that I cannot confirm, for my more avid readers, whether he ate it.

Why do people think that they are invisible when they are in their cars? Cars have windows! Windows are clear! (Unless of course you are a chav – in which case the windows are probably blacked out or have so many soft toys hanging about that people cannot see in). I am sure that people think that the second they step into their car they become invisible. Note to all public: Cars do not act as an invisibility clock. People sing and dance with the steering wheel, they chat and text on their mobiles and do a whole host of things…but picking noses is the worst.

I had to laugh at the guy behind me though. I had one of those moments when you see something, you think ‘Oh, gross!’, but you find yourself looking away then checking the scene again and again.

I am so glad the lights went green!