The British. Anarchy & Rage.

Oh, so true! – The British really know how to show their rage.

Don’t ever push a Brit to the edge – They’ll end up having two cups (of tea).

Now, if you came to this blog post wanting far more intellectual material regarding anarchy then you might like to find out more about becoming an anarchist. Oh yes – I have all the answers.

I did a little random googling research and found the perfect site for all you wanna-be anarchists.

How To Be An Anarchist has all the answers. The 13 steps will help anyone. Although I am sceptical about the fact that the ‘Things you’ll need’ list includes Intelligence…… Is that really necessary on the list?

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French Adventures: The little paddle down the river that went wrong.

Dordogne River in Périgord

Dordogne River in Périgord

I don’t regard myself as a ‘outdoorsy person’, but from time to time I like to explore nature, go camping, trek and play ‘try’  different sports. That said I am a very good skier. That will be a story for another day.

When I first met Bas (my far-more-outdoorsy-partner) we went on holiday to France. OK, I must point out that we’d been together for less than 3 months and so I was agreeing to all wonderful ideas of adventures and exploration of the outdoor world. France was lovely.  So, here we were in France in the Dordogne. A stunning region that I’d never heard of before.

We stayed with some of Bas’ friends in a their converted farm. The house and outbuildings were amazing – There was even an outdoor swimming  pool. Holiday heaven! In the surrounding areas there were lots of quaint little towns and villages. We’d hired a car and went out daily exploring castles, ruins and French country roads. The weather was perfect! It really was fab!

Prior to our “canoe adventure” I thought:

  • It would be simple,
  • Paddling would be easy,
  • The river would be calm,
  • The French would be understanding.

We were proved very wrong!

We rented a canoe and specifically explained that we didn’t want to do a whole afternoon trip – but just some paddling about to ‘have-a-go’ and see if we liked it. Our French wasn’t good. Her English was not great either and Dutch and German wasn’t going to get us anywhere (Bas spoke both). After lots of hand gestures and swapping of money we had a canoe and life jackets. Good one!

Whilst happily paddling along the river, chatting away and taking in the scenery, we  were having a lovely time! It was very relaxing. My first canoe trip – I felt like an expert. OK, the initial paddling had taken some getting used to. Synchronisation is more tricky than you’d first think. After about 50 minutes we saw a guy in a canoe anchored in the middle of the river. He was taking photographs of canoeists passing by. We smiled – looking like professionals (of course) and then we moored? docked? (I really don’t know the canoeing words) to a shallow bank where we discovered a little wooden hut. Inside the hut, fitted with internet, a computer and a friendly lady, we purchased the photo that had just been taken. The wonders of modern technology. It was great to have a photo of us both in the canoe.

Here we are. Canoe experts!

Next came the big shock. We got into the canoe and planned on returning the way we had come. The water seemed calm. We’d given ourselves more than enough time to get back to our starting point. The current however was not gentle at all. While paddling against the current at full speed we kept our eyes on a tree on the river bank. It stayed put. We were paddling as hard as we could and going nowhere.

No matter how hard or how fast we tried to paddle there was absolutely no way we could make it back upstream. Ooops!

We had no choice but to go further down the river and find a place to stop. We found a road, some shops and civilisation. We got out of the canoe, pulled it ashore and thought of a plan. Bas called the friends that we were staying with. We had no way of contacting the canoe company (we didn’t have their number and we didn’t speak French). Our friends arranged with the canoe company to have someone come and pick us up. The whole story had been relayed. Oh the shame!

At this point I was laughing hysterically. I thought it was just the funniest thing. Bas however, had not given up smoking by this stage and was currently having sense-of-humour-failure!

A Frenchman arrived in a minibus. He didn’t look impressed. He was even less impressed when he realised that he was to take us and the canoe back. His mood just fuelled my giggled. So, here we sat – Bas and I on the front seat of the minibus. One angry French driver. One giggling Jamie (me) and one Bas poking me in the rips trying to get me to stop.

I love that day!

It’s one of my best memories ever!

Warning: This is the most disgusting book. Ever.

Stunned. Shocked. Speechless – well almost speechless.

Who’s coming over for dinner then? I’m cooking!

This book is real. If you don’t believe me – Google it. Cooking with natural ingredients is one thing – but this is one step too far.

A cookbook to remember

The summary reads:

Americans and Europeans consume vast amounts of milk and other dairy products that consist of mammary excretions from cows. Compared to semen, milk might seem positively disgusting.

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic… Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants…

Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen.

The recipe titles are no better (then again how could they be).

  1. Tuna Sashimi with Homemade Dipping Sauce
  2. Man Made Oysters
  3. Creamy Cum Cakes
  4. Almost White Russian
  5. Spunky Candied Pecans

But the creepy winner just because it sounds so innocent until you know the secret ingredient? Chocolate Truffles with White Centre.

If you’re still reading this post then you must have a cast-iron stomach. I apologise if you were eating.

The book reviews are hilarious. Here are some of my favourites from various sites featuring the book:

  • “I guarantee this will get men to cook and have fun doing it!!” (Karen)
  • “Wow, this is my new absolute most favorite horrifying book”. (Oriana)
  • “We’re having a pot-luck”. (Will)
  • “Dinnertime! Cum and get it!” (AJD)

Thinking of buying yourself a copy?

So, go ahead. Share this delightful post with your friends. Just click on share below and let everyone know what they’re missing out on. Jamie Oliver you haven’t got a patch on this book! Delia Smith, stick to what you know.

Dancing with cats! (Don’t try this at home).

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

I love cats. I have two cats, but I’d never even think about buying this book.

Dancing With Cats is even reviewed on goodreads.com. (Check it out here). It’s a real book! (I’m stunned). It’s a crazy world out there. Who in their right mind would buy it?

The King’s Speech: A British Historical Drama

The 2010 film, The King’s Speech looks back at the British Royal Family back in the 1920s and 1930s. The story focusses on ‘Bertie’ (Prince Albert), who then became King George VI, and his struggle against his stammer.

Image from Wikipedia

 

There are moments in the film where the audience is taken back in time and can almost share the discomfort that crowds of people must have felt. The scene where Bertie is speaking at the close of the 1925 British Empire Exhibition at Wembley Stadium shows just how difficult his public life must have been. His duty to speak to the public cannot be avoided and as history shows, it would only increase with time.

Image from Wikipedia

It is amazing to watch how the film progresses. The techniques used by Lionel Logue are extremely unorthodox, and for anyone who knows anything of the British Royal Family, completely unthinkable. I sat open-mouthed at the ways in which Logue spoke to the prince. I was astounded to think that elements of the film had historical truth.

It is not surprising that the film has been nominated for BAFTAs and Academy Awards (Oscars). A truly deserving film!

“As the actor of the year in the film of the year, I can’t think of enough adjectives to praise Firth properly. The King’s Speech has left me speechless.”
— Rex Reed, New York Observer

This film is yet another example of the popularity of films regarding British Royals. ‘The Queen’, ‘Elizabeth’ and ‘Young Victoria’ have all be great successes.

“Not a great deal was written about His Majesty’s speech therapist, Lionel Logue, certainly not in the official biographies. Nor was much published about the Royal stutter; it appeared to be a source of profound embarrassment.”
— David Seidler

 It is not surprising that official biographies failed to mention Lionel Logue. His personality and work ethic tend not disagree with royal protocol.

King George VI

Films such as this always make me want to find out more about the historical facts. I wanted to read more about the abdication of King Edward VII.

I was surprised and shocked to discover that he had met Adolf Hitler against the advice of the British Government in 1937. I was also shocked that it has been suggested that Hitler planned to reinstate Edward as the British monarch had history turned out differently.

The amazing support of King George’s wife, Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon (Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother), really came across well in the film. It is amazing to think that she outlived her husband by almost 50 years. She had not planned for a life in the public eye, yet she went on to be such a figure of resistence in the Second World War and then in recent times helped to stabilise the popularity of the monarchy as a whole.

The film also depicts the shift from Edward to George which ultimately resulted in Queen Elizabeth II being one of the greatest British monarchs of all time.

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Thanks Mum and Dad for giving me a name that will go down in history for all the wrong reasons.

I hope he’s a fan of the films otherwise life is gonna be no fun.

Why, why, why. This poor kid. Whoever he is – wherever he is – I am sure life has been hell so far. His parents clearly thought that the name would be fun for him. OK, I admit it’s better than other possible names to match his surname, Knight.

  • Day. N
  • Rider
  • Mare

I have heard of other names that people have which are not amongst the greatest in the world. I am glad that my name is ‘normal’.

I once knew a psychologist called Michael Hunt (Mike for short). Mike Hunt – possibly one of the most unenviable names on the planet. (If you haven’t understood why……then oh dear, I don’t think I can explain). I discovered only 5 minutes ago that there is another Mike Hunt in the world, see here. Bless him too.

To English readers, I once heard of a person being interviewed on the radio called Emma Dale. Rather unfortunate. She was born before the TV soap had started…… But, all the same, it was not so funny when she was constantly sang to by people giving their rendition of the soap’s theme tune…….

Anyone have any other funny names?