Courtroom Blunders

These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
 
I find it really hard to believe that some of these comments actually came out of people’s mouthes. Crazy! I wish I’d been there to hear them.
 
 ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
____________________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s twenty, much like your IQ.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
__________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The auto psy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law.

Peering into Terri’s Little Corner

One thing that I have noticed in my first year of blogging on WordPress…

 Some bloggers come and go. Others stay around and make an impact on the way you look at things.

This post is all about someone who I have never met.

Yet.

(Possibly some day).

Terri, from Terri’s Little Corner is the main feature of my blog, today. Yes, that’s right – she’s the lipstick lesbian, pin-up girl WordPress wonderess, right now… In a literary way… Big her up – Big her up!

Terri - giving the look to all you lucky readers.

I wanted to shout from the rooftops blog about Terri for a few reasons – and here they are:

  • Terri was my first blog friend
  • She paid me to write nice things about her Just kiddin’
  • She is simply terrific
  • She is possibly one of the nicest American’s that I have ever known (I mean it in the nicest of ways)
  • Tantalising Terri has supported me more than anyone (online and offline included) – thanks Terri. You have ‘officially’ commented on and responded to more posts that anyone else.
  • Her blog ‘Terri’s Little Corner’ is a corner of delight, sarcasm, hilarity and unexpected entertainment – It’s on my blogroll, so take a look and bookmark it.

Terri and I are quite similar in many ways… I’m scratching my head and thinking of how…

  • Both gorgeous – clearly you didn’t that pointing out…
  • We both love WordPress  – what’s not to love.
  • I think I can safely say that we both spend too much time on WordPress
  • We both have a love of writing – and that’s what I really enjoy. Terri recently started writing fiction for NaNoWriMo. Sounds like a mouthful, I know – but it’s short for National Novel Writing Month.

On Terri’s blog, you can read about her novel-writing. It started with her saying this at the beginning of November –

“Basically, I have 30 days to write a 50,000 word novel.  I pulled my calculator out and did some complex math computations.  Let’s see, 50,000 words divided by 30 days.  OMG, that is 1666 words per day, IF I write every single day”.

So, I wonder how she’ll get on. It got me thinking.

I used to LOVE writing stories. When I was 9, 10, 11 years old I was always scribbling away – writing stories, poems and anything else that I could think of. I wrote a couple of novels – I use that term very loosely.

I called my first book ‘The Bag Basher’ – I cringe just thinking about it. I found it the other day in one of my many ‘hoarding boxes’… I have decided to share it with you all on my blog.

Watch out! The Bag Basher is coming to ‘One Life’ soon (you’ll love it)…

In the meantime, get yourselves into Terri’s Little Corner!

Over and out.

I have the answer to everything. Well, sort of…

I’m so glad that I asked for some questions on my blog last week. I’ve had some great responses. I widened my question-search a little wider with the use of Facebook and Twitter. Thanks to all those who helped. Your questions and responses are below. Don’t expect anything profound. It’s light hearted reading. Here goes…

This was me. Deep in thought. 🙂

Kiwidutch was first to respond with the ice-breaker question:

If you had total freedom of opportunity to really follow one of your passions and leave a lasting legacy behind you that benefited the city/country/world, what would you do and what would your legacy be?

Okay – I need to draw a deep breath before answering this one. Talk about starting with a toughie! If I had total freedom of opportunity to follow a passion it would involve children. I’ve always wanted to work with children, so that part is already coming true. I’d like to be involved in developing schools (I used to think that I could only do this in the UK, but since working overseas I realise it can be done anywhere). With enough money and support I’d like to develop education and opportunities for children all over the world. The Jamie Foundation: providing hope for the future….. I’d hope that the children would be the lasting legacy.

Image from Wikipedia

Ashley with her cheeky 2-in-1 questions:

If you could go back in time and change one thing, what would it be? Why? Oops…… Looks like there’s 2 questions here. Don’t mind the why then. It could be anything, of yourself or the world history.

Cheeky Ashley indeed sneaking in two questions. Time travel: A dangerous tool to have, but one I would love. On a personal level it’s tricky to choose. All the things that have happened in my life, both positive and negative have helped to make me the person I am today. I would possibly choose that my grandparents had not died when I was a baby. I never knew them and I would have loved to know them.  In world history: I would choose that Adolf Hitler had never been born.

Picture from Google.

Terri (pushing it with three questions, but because it’s Terri I’ll allow it….)

My questions for you:
1. When are you coming to Vegas? Would love to meet you!
2. Do you have any pets?
3. If you have dinner with one famous person, who would it be?

Ah Terri, three questions (naughty).  So, Q1 includes an invite to Las Vegas? Wow, you never asked me….. Haha. I would love to come over to USA and see more of the sights. Would love to meet my first blog friend too.
Q2 Pets: I do indeed. I, well I should say we….have two cats. Fudge and Cooper. They are adorable. I miss Eddie terribly, he was Fudge’s brother but was knocked down by a car outside our house when he was 18 months old.
Q3 Dinner: I would throw all sensible invites out of the window and invite……Alex Pettyfer. Of course it would be for the high-brow conversation…..

"Hello Mister Dinner Date!"

Sarsm (my happy WordPress friend):

My question is: If you could visit 5 countries in the remainder of your lifetime – which countries would you choose and why? (can be somewhere you’ve been or somewhere new)

The travel question (yay!).I’ll choose 5 countries that I have never visited.
Japan: I have always wanted to go there. I’d love to discover more about the country as I really don’t know that much about it. I had friends who lived there, but never managed to go.
China: The future super power of the world. China has so many wonderful things to see. How could it not be on my list?
Brazil: I want to visit Rio de Janeiro. Oh to stand at the foot of the Jesus Christ statue and look out at the coastline. Immense!
South Africa: I’d choose any African country to visit (having not been there). I want to travel through Africa by train, do the safari and experience something entirely new.
…..and the last one……. This isn’t easy…..
Australia: I want to see the Great Barrier Reef. That means diving, which I’ve also never done. But I would find it so exciting and invigorating.

Who doesn't want to go here?

Helen C (Work colleague and Twitter friend).

If you were to make your favourite three course meal, what would the courses be?

Food question – Yum!
Starter: An set of amuses to begin with. 3 shot size glasses each with different tiny soups. I always love that for starters.
Main Course: Duck. It’s my favourite meal. Not the crispy duck, although I adore that. It would be roast duck with a fruit sauce. Carrots (mashed with orange and brown sugar) and potato gratin.
Dessert: Warm chocolate and fudge cake, drizzled with extra hot chocolate sauce.

Okay, now my mouth is watering.

Lekker!

Chris S (Fellow Actor, world traveller and blogger).

How do I make my blog as good as yours?

8 months of practise and watching ‘what’ people are reading. The blog I set out to create has continued to evolve since Day 1. People don’t always read the blog posts that have taken the most time and effort. It’s all about keeping with the readers I suppose. ‘Know your audience’.

WordPress - the place to be.

Liz J(Work colleague, friend and IT whizz).

How do you see the handheld device in five years?

Seamless technology that has replaced PCs, mobiles and other technology. Used in schools, homes and in the wider community. Will it work by finger? Will the mind be controlling it by then? Will they indeed be ‘handheld’ at all?

Using handheld devices.

Louise G: (Work friend and glamous puss).

If you could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, who would it be and why? X

Living: see above answer. Dead: Diana (just because).

Diana, Princess of Wales.

Liz J: Back for more…..

If you could invent something really handy what would it be for?

I would invent a fool-proof system for ensuring the fairest possible outcome in the Eurovision Song Contest.  That would be really handy eh?

Ah, yes ESC. Who could forget it?

I hope you enjoyed reading the questions. Did I get all the answers you wanted? Feel free to share or to ask me more questions in the comments section below.

6 months of blogging. 6 things I love about it.

It’s been 6 months. How can it already be 6 months since I sat behind my laptop and created ‘One Life’, my WordPress blog?

It’s been a rollercoaster of a ride but I’m sticking with it. I love the surprises. Here’s my list of 6 wonderful things that I love about my first 6 months of blogging.

  1. I love sitting at my laptop and reliving an experience. Whether I’m writing about a recent trip away or about something funny that I have seen – It’s great to write about it. Somehow I feel it captures the memory and makes it more permanent. I do have a bad short-term memory and so it’s not such a bad thing. Plus, it’s always funny to hear what others think about what’s been going on.
  2. Making friends via WordPress and Twitter. The people I have connected with via WP and T make me smile. They comment on my posts and give great feedback for making it better. (Special hi to Terri, Terri, Jamie, Ashley, Melissa and thesinglecell).  I’ve added great blogs that I enjoy reading to the Blogroll on my sidebar. They really are worth checking out. Some of the people who I have connected with have become borderline stalkers. Online stalkers though……and I love it. If you too want to follow my blog then you can subscribe. Equally you can click to stalk follow me on Twitter on the sidebar.
  3. Condoms are more popular than I ever though possible. It’s quite unbelievable, but it’s true. ‘Condom’ is the most popular keyword used to bring people to ‘One Life’. Ah, yes………I did blog about them a while back. Here’s my most popular post about condoms.

    "Oh, that's just made everything in the world seem better".

  4. I follow the locations of people reading ‘One Life’. I don’t have secret tracking devices out watching you all 24-7, but I can see on the world map where the readers are from. My biggest audience by far is the United States (howdy)….. Oh sigh, that’s poor, but I thought it would be better than mentioning ‘tea’ (coming from a Brit that is)…… Talking of tea though, I posted about tea and it’s very popular. Tea and its magical properties. If you haven’t read it then take a quick peek.
  5. Lists! I love the lists. I created a list of things to achieve/do/experience in 2011. Lots of other blog friends have created a 101/1001 list. It will take them ages to achieve – but what a thing to do. Look, this post is just another list.
  6. The best bit about WordPress and blogging is find out that I’m not the only one…… I’m not the only one who does stupid things, has a bad memory, forgets things, loses things, says the wrong thing……. It’s a relief. Let’s all give each other a big blog hug.
    There, didn’t that feel better?

My 100th post.

Isn’t the 100th post meant to be something special? Should WordPress users be finding something profound to discuss when they reach this stage? I won’t pretend to be anything other than pleased to be surviving the blog world.

Wahooo. My 100th post.

I want to use my 100th post to look back on blogging in general. I’d also like to say a HUGE thank you to the people who have commented on or subscribed to my blog. You’re the ones who make it worthwhile – After all, there’s no point in writing if nobody wants to read it. (A couple of friends linked via email, thanks. And some new WordPress friends have now linked up and subscribed – It’s great to see you all. Thanks for all the comments). I hope you continue to enjoy it all.

I started blogging because I love writing. I love to share stories and experiences. I used to write a diary (every day) from 1993 until 1999. (My teenage years). Blogging seemed the next natural step.

Since starting there have been other aspects that have been more fun to discover:

  1. The connections with other readers from around the world have been astounding. The comments that I read are a great support. I like to know how my posts make other people feel – If they have had similar experiences. I realise that I’m not alone in being a serious people-watcher, a crazy-nut and a self-proclaimed Eurovision-fan.
  2. I love to see where my readers are from. A big shout out to USA (you are #1 in the list of visitors). The addition of the clustrmaps.com widget to my blog is being closely followed. World domination here I come.   🙂
  3. WordPress is full of interesting posts on other blogs. I didn’t realise that there were so many people with amazing things to talk about out there. I love catching up with other people and read about the odd, the funny and the downright ridiculous.
  4. Freshly Pressed – I aim to be there one day.
  5. Receiving special awards from other bloggers. I got the Stylish Blogger Award from Play101 (Yay – Happy me!) and I got The Versatile Blogger award from Mari (Speechless!)

The bloggers who make it all such fun:

  • Terri and her blog Terri’s Little Corner (Terri has been so supportive from Week #1. Thanks for the great tips (telling me to join Twitter) and for the fab and very funny comments. Terri’s blog is also #1 for bringing others to my blog).
  • Shari and her blog Shari Lopatin: Rogue Writer (#2 in bringing traffic to One Life). Some great posts on this blog. It’s worth a visit.
  • The ‘Pie Hole’ and the funny blog A Piece of the Pie Hole. Always something here to make me giggle.
  • The other ‘Jamie’ (a female Jamie) and her great blog The Life of Jamie. Always a fun comment from Jamie. Thanks for everything.
  • Yarp News. This is one of the wackiest, most random funny blogs that I’ve ever read. Each day brings a new shock and surprise. Love it!
 
My Top 10 Visitor Locations (via ClustrMaps):
  1. USA (no surprise there, as WordPress is an American site anyway).
  2. United Kingdom (again, no surprise as I am from the UK). Thanks friends for visiting!
  3. The Netherlands (my current location – living and working here).
  4. Philippines (I am shocked – I would never have imagined so many people from the Philippines would enjoy my blog. Hi people!!!!) :))
  5. Canada
  6. Australia
  7. India
  8. Indonesia
  9. Germany
  10. France

Facebook has been so useful in setting up and keeping the blog going. My friends may be tired of seeing new posts popping up – but some have enjoyed it. Thanks for the visits (especially Sebastian, Gill and Vicky for subscribing).

One Life is here to stay! Here’s to the next 100 posts. Happy reading!

Jamie x

2nd most popular country is – the UK.

A worldwide survey (in 27 different nations) was undertaken by the BBC World Service Country Rating Poll to find out the views on the 16 major nations in the world, including the European Union. 29,000 people were asked to rate how ‘globally influential’ the nations were.

2nd most popular nation in recent poll.

The UK, for the first time ever, has come second in the poll. The country topping the list was Germany. The UK’s positive rating rose 5% from 53% to 58%. (Germany 63%).

The USA, Australia and Canada had the most favourable view of the UK, whereas Pakistan and Mexico had the most negative views towards it.

Naturally these views change year on year and people’s opinions are most probably swayed by political mood, financial times and down to how each country is perceived through their respective media.

Surprised by the result? Feel free to comment.

Momentous Historial Occasions.

The hairs on the back of my arms have been standing on end over the last couple of weeks. The news coverage of political change sweeping through Tunisia and Egypt has been amazing to watch. There are some fantastic images here. It is refreshing and uplifting to see the power of people changing their futures. There is definitely strength in numbers. Now, in domino effect the people of Bahrain, Yemen, Iran and Algeria are coming together to change the political movement in their respective countries. For many people living in democratic countries it can often be challenging to truly understand what it must be like for the people we see daily on our TV screens.

How the times have changed too. It was astounding to read online that Facebook and Twitter had been used to bring people together. Social networking is increasingly useful in the 21st Century. I wonder how events in history would have been different if social networking has been around for the last 100 years.

The images of the protests in Egypt will make the beginning of 2011. I will remember them for many years to come and I think that many of you will too. I am sure that you could name a couple of major historical times in the last century that have stayed with you. When I think of stories similar to the amazing scenes in Egypt I think of stories that truly shocked me. The list I have made are stories which I feel have really made a world-wide impact on people:

  • The Berlin Wall being brought to the ground.
  • The capture of Saddam Hussein.
  • The Gulf War.
  • 9/11.
  • The Indian Ocean earthquake and tsunami of 2004.