My Childhood Sequel: The Basher Returns!

It’s nice to see that so many people enjoyed reading my first novel, ‘The Bag Basher’, from my last post. Apart from the fact that it was littered with shameful clichés and dreadful descriptions – it sort of stood out.

A few years after writing the first book I re-visited the idea. I wanted to take the character, Mrs Brambleberry, on another adventure. This was my story – aged 13.

I have to warn you all now that this sequel contains a mature and hard-hitting drug theme. I know, I know – you’d never have believed it. Violence and drugs. Oh – and there’s plenty of mystery. I think there are a few unanswered questions to be discussed.

Read on and enjoy the sequel – ‘The Basher Returns’.

Chapter 1

It had been two months since the great robbery and all the troubles of court cases were out-of-the-way. The two men were given sixteen years and Mrs Brambleberry was quite pleased.

Jeremy, her nephew, was also going to be moving house this week and their new house was next door to Mrs Brambleberry. ‘Ski Hovel’ was the name of his new house and it overlooked the valley, Grey Stone Nag.

On the day of the move Mrs Brambleberry was going shopping at Goldmanor’s Shopping Centre for (Can you guess?… Yes – bags!).

At 3 o’clock the removal vans arrived and Mr Stimple, Jeremy’s dad sat in the van outside admiring their new house.

“Oh look”, said Mrs Stimple.

“I know, Mum. It’s fantastic”, replied Jeremy.

Mr Stimple stepped out of the large van and on to the muddy strip of grass. It made a disgusting squelching noise, like a sloppy kiss that mothers give their children.

“Frank, dear. Hurry up. I’m just so excited and I can’t wait to get in”.

They all kept rushing in and out, carrying more and more furniture. It seemed like an endless van full of everything!

At 6 o’clock Mrs Brambleberry arrived home in a superb taxi. It was gleaming and looked a sharp jet-black colour. When she got out of the car you could see four or five carrier bags – possibly more. It was hard to tell, considering it was the evening.

In the morning the postman came, but he was not in a very good mood….because he knew that in less than five minutes Mrs Brambleberry would barge out of her front door and – well, I can’t say!

He walked up to the door and counted to ten. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 – go. He pushed the paper through the door and turned for the gate. There he saw……Mrs Brambleberry. It all went very quickly and he saw his life flash before him.

“No Miss. Have mercy!” cried the posty.

“You dare to post large letters and then fold them in half. You must be punished!” screamed Mrs Brambleberry.

Jeremy had heard all this noise from his bedroom and was now watching.

“Aaaargh, get off…..Help!” wailed the postman.

“Never! You’ll have to learn!” she shouted.

She took one swipe and SMASH, BIFF, BOP – she hit him.

Jeremy had to think quickly. He ran for the phone and dialled 999. A Mr Wilberforce answered.

“Hello. Which department please?”

“Police and ambulance, at High Road,” he replied. “Quick though, hurry!”

The postman was hurried to the nearest hospital where he was taken into intensive care. There they wired him up to a life support machine.

That night, Mrs Brambleberry spent the night in the police station answering questions and outside you could hear the media. Through the window flashes came from cameras and though the letterbox a man shouted.

“We’d like to speak to the crazy one, haha!”

Jeremy and his parents couldn’t believe that a member of their own family could do such a thing and that was when Mr Stimple said “She’s my sister and I’m going to get to the bottom of this mystery.”

“Could be pills, eh Dad?” joked Jeremy.

“That’s right son, great. Let’s see if she’s on any medication,” replied Geoff.

So, Mrs Brambleberry’s house was searched from top to bottom, when Mrs Stimple found a tub which read:

TIGETS MILES – FOR EXTRA STRENGTH!

“Hey, look! I’ve found it. These must be making her – wild, I think,” yelled Gloria.

They took the pills to the police station was PC Clopper examined them. They were eventually found out to be drugs.

“Who gave you these pills, Miss?” asked the constable.

“Dr. Blaketon from Coatbridge Surgery,” said Mrs Brambleberry. “I’m sure of it”.

“Oh no!  This so-called Dr. Blaketon was arrested six months ago for drug dealing,” explained the constable.

“I didn’t know. I always wondered why he mysteriously disappeared. He had two helpers as well, didn’t he?” Mrs Brambleberry replied, “Have you caught them?”

She was now getting hot and very worked up!

“Yes, we did! They robbed your house and while they did that you didn’t notice them go upstairs did you?” said Mr Wilberforce walking in from the other room.

“They swapped over the tubs in your medical cupboard and from then on you’ve been taking drugs”.

Mrs Brambleberry couldn’t believe what they were telling her. Neither could the Stimples. They just stood in shock and listened.

“Mrs Brambleberry. I’m letting you go a free woman and I promise you that your name will be cleared!”

Mr Stimple got everyone into the car and drove them home.

When they reached home, Mrs Brambleberry went into her house, just as the phone was ringing.

“Hello, Mrs Brambleberry speaking”.

“Darling, it’s me, Alf. I’m getting the train from London now. I’ll be home by 8.30 and you can tell me what’s been happening”.

Mrs Brambleberry couldn’t believe it. She hadn’t seen her husband for two months because he went to America just after the robbery.

At 8:30 the whole family went to Mrs Brambleberry’s house to welcome him home. Two months was a long time to her and a lot had happened.

THE END

 

A few worrying points which I have thought about on re-reading, some 19 years later.

  • Why did I bother with chapters? There was clearly only one chapter.
  • What happened to the postman? Did he live?
  • How did she manage to escape the law? Lucky woman, I say.
  • Why was drugs the first thing that sprang to the mind of young Jeremy?
  • Just what had her husband been doing since the burglary. Why did he leave? Was he involved?
  • How could my maths be so poor that I claimed the husband had been away for two months (since just after the robbery) when the robbery was six months ago? Hmmmm.
  • Where did I think up the names PC Clopper and Mr Wilberforce. Crazy names!
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9 thoughts on “My Childhood Sequel: The Basher Returns!

  1. Oh, Jamie. Where to begin.

    Firstly I think your simile for the sound of Mr Stimple stepping on the grass is brilliant. Genuinely.

    Secondly your picture of the attack on the postman looks disturbingly sexual. She is clearly humping his leg.

    Thirdly, Jeremy is a cowardly little weed who bears at least some responsibility for the medical condition of the poor postman.

    Fourthly, I love how you tie it back into the plot of the last story. That’s really quite cool considering there were, what, two years between writing them?

    Fifthly, I think you should explore the husband’s character more. There is clearly more going on in this family than meets the eye. I think we should be told.

    Sixthly…the Daily Mail? Oh dear.

    • I was always one to use wonderful similes and alliterations (where possible).

      Trust you to look at my innocent childhood drawing in such a way. Although, I do see your point. Clearly the book would never have gone mainstream.

      Jeremy just watches. I know. He stands smiling watching it all happen. What a guy!

      I love the fact that you talk about the plot. Haha. I’m not exactly making the links that J.K.Rowling made. But, non the less…. I tried.

      The husband. I really have no recollection of that aspect of the book. I must think of how that could have turned out.

      Daily Mail – and !???? We never read papers. In fact we rarely had papers in the house. So I think it was a random choice. Honest!

  2. I thought the story was pretty darned good in spite of your time-lapse boo boo. I agree with Chris on the naughty picture. (snickers) And I love the drawing of the newspaper. Such detail!
    Nicely done.
    I do wonder about the post man though. Poor fella.

    • Naughty picture…. Haha It was not!
      All women jump the postman like that – don’t they?

      I like the newspaper bit too. I was always keen on doing stuff like that too.

      Maybe I need to think up more about the fate of the postman.

  3. Hi Jamie! I’ve been following your blog now for almost a year; ever since the picture of the bird sitting on the “no birds” sign. In that time, I’ve seen your talent and your passion for communicating grow and blossom in a truly spectacular way!

    This is why I nominated you for the Liebster Blog Award which I happily present to you now. There’s no doubt about it; The Liebster Blog Award is the Pulitzer for blogs with fewer than 200 followers; the winners are chosen by fellow bloggers who want to give a ‘thumbs up’ to the excellent work that can be found in the world of WordPress.
    There are a few simple rules that go along with the award. They were passed to me as I pass them along to

    1. Give a shout out to the blogger who nominated you by linking back to their blog in your acceptance post.
    2. Nominate 5 other blogs with less than 200 followers.
    3. Spread the good blog karma.

    Them’s the rules, here’s the perks: You can now display the official Liebster Award Winner image on you blog. You can download it by clicking the image at the top of my acceptance post at http://wp.me/p1hnmR-5S

    It’s the coolest award there is, and it’s well deserved!
    Congratulations!

    ctwfrank

  4. Pingback: Can I now call my blog “Award-Winning”? « The Skinny Jeans and Starbucks Chronicles

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