The Porsche Ego and His Defeat

I have always heard that certain drivers of certain cars can be prone to displaying unsavoury characteristics… The other day I was in the car heading to the shops when I saw some typical ‘Porsche’ behaviour…

I have to say at this point that the driver was, unsurprisingly, male and was, unsurprisingly, short-fused.

The roads were quite busy as they went from two lanes into one. The car in front (a small hatchback – I think it was a Fiat Punto) was going along nicely when the Porsche flew up beside us and tried to push in front of the Fiat driver. The Fiat driver was having non of it as they clearly didn’t like being cut up so aggressively. We expected the Porsche driver to ease back and slot in front of us – but no… He slammed forward full speed and tried to get even further ahead. When that didn’t work he swerved to bully his way in front of the Fiat driver once again.

By this point we were so impressed with the Fiat driver. It was a ‘David and Goliath’ moment and boy we wanted David to win this battle too. The people in the Fiat kept their cool and drove on. The Porsche driver’s ego was dented and he – was – FURIOUS! Next he swung in right behind the Fiat and beeped the horn then swung his fists about. The toys were well and truly out of the pram by this moment.

Our cars arrived at a set of traffic lights. The Fiat was directly in front of us again (driven by a couple in their early 60s) and the Porsche pulled up right beside them. The 30-something, Porsche driver, leaned over his ‘girlfriend’ (I hope she had more taste than to have married him) and he started yelling, cursing and sticking his fingers up at the couple. I was stunned. I couldn’t believe that he actually thought he was right. I couldn’t believe that he was so easily and so quickly enraged. He was so caught up in the moment that he didn’t realise that he was making a total pr*ck of himself (excuse my language, but he really was…). He hasn’t happy until he’d ranted at them. The couple stayed so calm and ignored him. Brilliant!

Go Fiat couple! You guys made my day!

So, next time you all see a Porsche driver, think about my story… You may also like the little joke below.

This blonde looking for work sees a sign on a house: “PAINTER WANTED.” So she goes to the house and knocks on the door, telling the owner, “I’m here for the paint job.” 
“OK.” The guys hands her a couple of cans of latex. “Here’s the paint. I want you to paint the porch.” 
She says, “No problem,” gets the paint and sets off to work. It’s not very long until she knocks on the door again. “All finished.”
Handing over the money, the owner exclaims, “That didn’t take very long!” 
“I even gave it two coats,” she says, pocketing the money. “And oh, by the way, it’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

It’s not hard to find websites and pictures mocking Porsche drivers – they’ve clearly made a rod for their own back. Here’s a good one for you.

Orgasmic Rugs and Penis Blankets

We really should get out more…

When you put a few teachers and friends in a room together – they always end up talking about personal belongings…

Our evenings with friends are always eventful – but even I wasn’t expecting to hear such animated conversations about Ikea rugs that “must be felt” (really?)… and all-in-one pink body-suits blankets that looked decidedly dodgy!

Okay okay – I’ll explain. The conversation was towards the end of the evening. The wine had been wonderful and probably had something to do with our odd chats.

The bathmat really did feel soft-to-the-touch… In fact, I recommend you all go and get one (now, quick, go and get one).

The blanket, however, was something quite horrid interesting. A fashion statement at the very least. It even came with a little pocket placed below the navel (when turned inside out it looked hillarious) for the TV remote control.

Such a 'wonderful' blanket...

A fashion statement?

A very clever car park.

I was in for a surprise when I drove to Ikea the other evening. A few modifications had been made to the underground car park at Ikea Delft. Lights and sensors in a car park! Clever parking. I loved it.

It may not sound like much (okay, I know it’s not the most exciting post), but it really was useful. Most times that you visit car parks you drive up and down the rows, especially when it is busy. Finding a car parking spot can take time.

In Ikea there were rows and rows of lights mounted to the ceiling. The lights had a sensor pointing left and right and were placed facing all parking spots. If both the parking spaces were occupied then the light would turn from green to red. Clever!

Parking sensor lights, Ikea Delft.

The moment I drove into the aisle I would see where a space was (right from the other end). I didn’t know that such technology existed. I am hoping to see this system in many more car parks soon.

Everyone needs a nerdy post. This was mine.

If you liked this post, please share it.

You can another post of mine about Ikea here.

When it comes to driving remember the 10 Driving Commandments.

If Big Brands Made Condoms…

Imagine what advertising campaigns would be like if condoms were added to their product range? The brand taglines have been added and suddenly it all sounds rather different…

Nike condoms: “Just do it!”

American Express condoms: “Don’t leave home without it.”

Polo condoms: “The condom with the hole.”

Wendy’s condoms: “Where’s the beef?”

McDonald’s condoms: “I’m lovin’ it”.

Avis condoms: “We try harder”.

Peugeot condoms: “For the drive of your life”.

Miller Brewing condoms: “Tastes great, less filling”.

Chrysler condoms: “Inspiration comes standard”.

Jaguar condoms: “Born to perform”.

Nokia condoms: “Connecting people”.

AT&T Wireless condoms: “Reach out and touch someone”.

Nescafe condoms: “One thing leads to another”.

and my favourite…..

Gatorade condoms: “Is it in you?” (Oh dear – worrying).

 

Any better ones? Contact me or comment below. Would love to hear other ones.

Product Confusion

I was always under the impression that marketing teams worked tirelessly in their offices, around boardroom tables and in a variety of other ‘creative spaces’ when they had that spark of genius.

Are they not the ones who are paid mega-bucks to come up with fantastic product names? I have some questions I would love to ask the people who came up with the product below:

• Just who came up with this product name?
• Who is it marketed at?
• Why, why, why……..

 

……er what is this item called?

Caught on camera: A shop window with a real ‘eye-catching’ display.

I just planned on doing a little window shopping. I didn’t expect to be faced with this window display!

Erm....what is that I see? Take a closer look.

Yes, I think you’ll find that on the top shelf there are some lovely fake breasts for sale. Underneath, for the more conservative shopper, you can purchase a framed picture of the lovely Lord Jesus Christ!

Perfect: One shop to get all your family gifts sorted!

The post Christmas shop.

Image via Wikipedia

Christmas was wonderful. Christmas without the mayhem was divine. I didn’t feel the need to wake at 4am in order to be in the Boxing Day Sale queues. The madness of the people obsessed with claiming their bargains. I was sleeping in the warmth of my bed as thousands of crazed people ran through shopping centres all across the country. Why? If they really wanted whatever they were buying, why not buy it at the normal price to make sure you get it.

I did head out for post-Christmas shopping (yesterday, mind you, so that’s okay in my book). We wandered for 5 hours from shop to shop. I was very controlled. I didn’t abuse the credit card and left at 19:00 (quite early for me) with only two bags of goodies.

My family were out in numbers…My niece who was obsessed with finding £5 pants got her wish. (She’ll kill me for posting that about her, but I doubt she’ll notice). It’s always hard to shop when there are nine of you trying to look for your own things. We managed! I do feel the urge to go out shopping again, while I’m in England. I have to make the most of it. I won’t be back for months…. Oh, what to buy?

Obsessed with snow

Image via Wikipedia

Snow, snow, snow…. Delicate, white and pure.

CHAOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No….It’s delicate. It brings a sense of calm and tranquility.

Or……………. More CHAOS!

While many people around the world embrace the inevitable snow that comes with this season called ‘Winter’, the Brits are beside themselves. Ah, something new for them to moan about. They wish and wish all year for a white Christmas, yet two days into snowy weather and they are all cursing the very mention of that ‘S’ word.

The news in the UK….It goes like this….

Main Headlines: “Snow has brought the country to a halt. The airports are shut. The roads are chaos!”

Sport: “Snow has disrupted many events across the country. (Oh, boo – No football…..)”

Transport: “Snow has brought the chaos to airports (Hadn’t we mentioned it? Well, we’re here to make you panic… So, the airports are shut! Motorways are looking more like white carparks”. (Stay indoors everyone. Chocolate and wine will help you cope).

…………..and now…. Weather………………

“It’s snowing out there!” (Really?)

So, what is the obsession with the white stuff? Why do the Brits love it, yet hate it? Why does the UK come to a grinding halt the moment there is 4 cm of snow laying on the ground? Forget WMD to attack the UK, or suicide bombers making long term plans….. All you need is a snow cannon and the country is crippled.

I love the snow! I think it’s fab! I’d happily watch it snow for months…

Here are some other little snowy and seasonal treats that I’ve recently blogged about…

The blog about the mad, crazy Dutch people who dare to cycle on the snow.

The blog about Santa (oh, bless him).

The blog about the biggest toy shop in the UK featuring ‘live animals’.

My Christmas Countdown (from the beginning of December)….. *Note to self… I must check how far I’ve got.

How would I live without my present book?

I’m buying presents for 33 people this year! I’m shocked just typing it. I mentioned this the other day to a friend and they said that they buy presents for 3 people (what a difference). I love buying presents though. I love looking for something that will make someone smile. I have quite a big family. It comes from having 3 brothers, with wives (who have lots of children) and lots of cousins too.

It was thirteen years ago that I ‘stole’ my step-mum’s idea to keep track of my present buying using a book. It sounds simple, but actually works really well and has great benefits (especially when you have a memory as poor as mine). I used to jot down the things I had bought people on scraps of paper, but would lose them. So, what do I do?

• List all the people you plan on buying stuff for (I do this around February/March time and add to it).
• Buy the presents WHEN you see them (throughout the year). I usually start in July. It’s better to buy something you see and think “Oh, that’s perfect for……”, rather than go on the December panic buy!
• Write the gifts in the book once purchased.
• Tick them once wrapped because once you have all the presents for all those people you gotta make sure you’ve found them and wrapped them.

The great thing with this idea is that you can do the following:

• You can keep track on the size and cost of presents for each person.
• You’ll remember what you bought someone the year before. OK, you don’t wanna be buying them the same thing year on year. You probably won’t remember, but they might.
• It’s fab to look years back and remember how times have changed. I love looking back and friends who’ve come and gone… Special times gone by. Family members no longer with us. Christmas celebrations of the past that I will always remember.

When I say I stole the idea…. It was more borrowed. It was 13 years ago that I saw my step mum’s book of presents. I flicked it open and looked back at 1983. It was so much fun reading the things that I’ve been given as a child.

I’m a sucker for memories.

I was under the impression that window displays were an art form.

Shopping…..(let me just sit back and think about it)….Yes, I love it. I love shopping. I just zoned out for a second to think about what I could be buying right now. Oh, to have that credit card with the endless limit (and the paid-balance every month).

I enjoy a good trip into the city to shop around, but most of all to be lured in to each and every shop (store, my American friends) by the tempting window displays. Some window displays, especially at Christmas time, are amazing. The effort and time put into making them perfect in every way is clear to all. The shops clearly make a lot of money from them. Lure the customer in and they’ll be hooked, searching for anything they remember from the window.

Shopping in Cyprus was not like this. Well, that’s rather unfair actually as most of Cyprus is wonderful. I did venture to the capital city of this lovely Meditteranean island when I visted one summer. I thought I would take in some of the sights, do a spot of exotic shopping…….and came across these window displays!

Well,... "Hello Ladies!"